I HEAR CONFUSION..

Were you ever hit with such vision that it's never possible to finish a task with satisfaction if you can't find yourself happy doing it in the first place, or getting involved in this task because you thought it's what's gonna make you feel happy and cure your longing when just right in the middle of it you get sick and wished you never opted for such crap afterall, eventually making you feel worthless with this mere anticipation that you can't even fuckin figure out what you really want, when you happen to suck over and over again because you can't squeeze out lessons from what you patterned yourself to do everyday, when effectiveness is never at hand because you dwell in such routinary principle even if it fails you each and everytime you turn to it for defense...?

I was... oh... I still am... and I guess I'll still be hit tomorrow and the day after that til I get to put it all together and spell what it is that I absolutely crave for in this so-called-life of mine.

answers, answers, answers... i freakin' need it now!